"I'm Just a Meal"

By LalQ

Author's Statement

This poem is based on my personal experience with a person diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) who had a deep influence in my life while I was growing up. It was important for me to share this, so others who have encountered narcissism can know that they are not alone.

Persons diagnosed with NPD have an inability to understand the needs of others and to empathize with another. They seek attention and admiration in any way they can attain it. In a caregiver-child relationship, having an authority figure with NPD can be detrimental to a child’s growth and development and can create lasting and lifelong trauma. If you know someone who has NPD, or if you have a person with NPD in your life, it is important to find a trusted mental health provider who can help.

“She”

She tears me up inside.

She eats into my soul.

She knows just how to torture me.

She needs to have control.

She is as sweet as brown sugar,

When she wants to have her way.

But if she ever sees me waver,

I will be a meal for her that day.

She’ll chew me up,

And throw me down.

With her everlasting frown.

And she only ever really smiles,

When she sees me fallen to the ground.

What have I done?

Why can’t she love me?

What have I done?

Why can’t she let me go?

Why do I keep going back?

To get tortured some more?

Why do I do this to myself?

I need to end this gore.

She only really loves herself.

I’m just a meal, you see.

She needs to satisfy herself,

So, she tortures me.